Thursday, June 11, 2009

A Mighty, Enduring Monument

We at Atricus Industries have observed with some feelings of upset that erectile dysfunction advertisements tend to show middle aged, attractive couples giggling and winking at the camera using all sorts of circumlocutions and bland euphemisms to treat the subject of penile turgidity. The truth is, more often than not, that the party looking for the sustained erection is actually a lonely, ancient, male human being. The corollary truth is that the mild vasodilators that the lily-livered commercial "medication" peddlers offer to ameliorate erectile dysfunction simply miss the mark for this true demographic. It is for this purpose that we at Atricus Industries present a medication that not only provides vasodilation, but turbocharges the cardio-pulmonary system.

Obelisk will cause mighty, stone-like monuments to rise from the wastelands of decrepit flesh. Although shunting blood to the penis from the extremities of the body may result in tingling of the limbs, unconsciousness, and the mild risk of death, the mighty erection itself remains for hours, possibly days. The subject is encouraged to position himself supine, take the pill, and be prepared to disengage from the world. Person(s) attending to the subject may need to place him on his side in the very unlikely event of unconscious vomiting. My assistant Ms. Groovy Jones has commented that, although she herself is a sensitive lover and "digs chatting," she has heard "through the grapevine" that for many women consciousness is pretty far down the list of requisite conditions in a sexual partner.

We are yet accepting research subjects. You must be a male, 85 or older. This project is in co-operation with Whispering Knolls Home for Mature Women.

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