Sunday, May 31, 2009

Modifying DNA

We are, as usual, ahead of our time. We were recently rejected yet again (as are all prophets, visionaries, and progressives) by a half dozen so-called "scientific" journals for our theories regarding the modification of DNA and the creation of new organisms.

DNA, for the layperson, looks like this:

Modification of DNA according to the Atricusian Method (patent pending) involves rapidly spinning the organism in a direction opposite the twist of the DNA, thus straighening it out. Our early experiments with grasshoppers in Atricusian RSMs (rapidly spinning machines) have been promising. The stuff we have pulled out of the spinners may very well be new life forms. We are running the organic material through filters at the moment, scanning for signs of life.

We are publishing this so that the scientific publishing community (not really scientists at all!) cannot steal our brilliant ideas, and herewith lay claim to the credit we are due for this breakthrough technique. Up yours, you lab-coated, Galileo-hating, rigid, narrow-minded bastards!

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