Saturday, May 7, 2011

"Just Desserts"

The rising cost of health care, both individually and socially, is rapidly becoming one of the consuming issues of our era. We at Atricus Industries, the birthplace of modern philanthropy, humbly submit a solution.

The "Just Desserts" retirement community, like the purple dawn of a cloudless spring day, promises to satisfy everyone. The community philosophy is "sweets and sedentariness." Our clients have worked hard their entire lives, and deserve to spend their remaining years, or - hopefully - months pampered in regal splendor, with no worry for tomorrow. Every meal consists of dessert, and every activity consists of just holding still while life comes to you.

The math is quite simple. The vast majority of medical expenditures occur in the last decade or so of life. If we shorten the time elderly people are in the system, overall medical expenses for the entire population will plummet like a my assistant Miss Groovy Jones' neckline in the '70s.

We are already receiving startup funding from major health insurers who, for the time being, are requesting we not name them.

The last days of one's life are too precious to spend clinging with white knuckles to bedrails and oxygen canisters. Go out in style.

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